JOKES

Brown-haired lady dyed her hair to blonde and the same day she found a dark hair on her husband's pillow... So, she gave him a huge scandal.

The girl from the provinces visited her friend in town. In the evening she decided to wash her hair. After a few minutes she shouting from the bathroom:
- What should I do? Here's written on shampoo's lable "for dry hair"," but I already wet my hair!

- Honey, who shorn your hair in such a way?
- A master.
- I understand that a master. And who is he by profession?

- My dear, I'll be late today, I have an appointment for a haircut.
- Honey, but you did your haircut yesterday...
- Yeah, but Greta likes my new hairdo very much...

Most blondes can endure anything but only not a comparison them with brunettes.

Two blondes discussing the theory of relativity, atomic particles, a second-order...
A guy passes by...
- Quiet, let's change the topic, let's start to discuss soap operas...

- You saw how the barber shorn Helen's hair in such an awful style? - Yeah! Looks very nice!

- My dear, I cropped all my long hair "as a boy"! - Honey, I hope that everything else is left "as a girl?"

In the Image studio, the master, turning to a new client:
- So, we'll start with an x-ray of your head...

- Hairdresser! Why do you have such dirty hands?
- You see, ma'am, I haven't yet washed your head...

The barber shears his regular customer, and says:
- You have much hair fall out. You do something to save them?
- Sure! I filed for divorce!

- Ever since as I started to dye my hair myself, I saved a lot of money.
- Yep - barber agrees. - But since that time you are absolutely unaware of the latest news.

It's wonder: why blondes dye their hair roots in black?

Mirror, mirror, shut up! I went over only to brush my hair.

Two girlfriends talking over a cup of tea:
- I love Nature very much, - said first.
The second inspects her carefully and says:
- And this is after that Nature did with you?

- Daddy, Daddy! Look what a streaked horse!
- Sonny, it's a zebra. A streaked horse is waiting for us at home with dinner...

- What is the most outstanding product gave us the chemistry?
- Blondes!

Two managers talks:
- Willy, you're so pale. What happened?
- My wife found me a new secretary just now.
- Blonde or brunette?
- Bald ...

Kid asks his mom:
- Why our dad has so little hair?
- Well, it's because he always thinks a lot!
- And why do you have so much hair?
- So ... Let's sit still and eat you porridge.

Hardly drunken barber shaving a client with a sharp razor.
- Are you sure you'll make me no harm?
- How can I do that, if I don't see you at all?!

Doc, I'm losing my hairs a lot.
- It can be, if you're nervous!
- Maybe. But I'm nervous when I'm losing my hair!

TV shampoo ads:
"Before, my hair was dry and lifeless, but now they are wet and stir!"

Girl:
- How do you like my new haircut? Now you don't want to say, that I'm still looking like a grandma?
Guy:
- Nope. Now you're looking like a grandpa!

New haircut. (female version):
B: - Oh! You shorn off all your tresses ... made the haircut? How cute!
A: - You think so? And at first I was shocked when I saw myself in the mirror right after the haircut. Listen, do you think - not too short? Not too provocatively?
B: - Oh my Lord, of course not! Hairdo is simply gorgeous! Very stylish and fluffy. I'll be so glad to lop all my locks too, but I can't - my face is too broad. I'm too complex about this.
A: - Are you serious? You have a delightful face! It just made for haircuts! I think that you necessarily need a haircut. There are so many fashionable styles with short locks of different lengths! At first I myself wanted to do just this ... but I braked in time. My neck is so long, and generally such haircut will be a nightmare for me.
B: - Are you kidding! Long neck!? All my life I dream of a neck like yours! It would distract attention from my horrible square shoulders!
A: - It's a joke? All the girls are jealous of your shoulders! Any dress, any clothes looks just awesome on you! You've got the same figure as supermodels! And look at me, sloping shoulders, short arms ... Oh, if I'll have such a figure I would wear all the clothes in a row...
B: - My kind of figure? Look, look at my thighs...
...............
(male version):
- A haircut?
- Yep.

A balding new Russian sinks into a barber's chair.
- Can I help you, sir? - asks the lady-stylist.
- If you make my hair look the way yours look, you'll get $5,000.
- No problem, sir, she says, and immediately starts to shave her own long hair off as he stares at her in disbelief.

A good-looking longhaired lady applies for a well-paid job in a big company. The company mostly employs women, and after he interviews her, the manager says she's accepted, but one condition is that she has to have her hair cut much-much shorter. The lady is flattered, because she thinks the manager likes her a lot. That same afternoon she goes to her nearest Beauty salon, and picks up the shortest hairstyle stylist can offer. When she leaves the stylist she doesn't seem to care seeing all her gorgeous mane lying on the floor.
The next morning she shows up in the company office in a slinky tight mini skirt and her new boyish crewcut, but she's really surprised to see that her new boss is not impressed to see all that. She asks the company people why they think their boss was so nice with her the previous day - even asked her to think about a new hairdo, and everything - but today he's so unaffected?
"Our boss is a big fan of long hair, and is ready to lose control every time he sees a young lady wearing her hair long," they say. "So, one day, his wife came up with an ultimatum. She was to be the only one to have long hair, while all his ladies in the office were to wear short cuts."
The young lady looks around the office, and sees only shorthaired ladies everywhere!

        
Try to find any differences!

A lady with long, luxurious hair runs into a barber's shop.
- Will you buy my hair for 100 euros?
- Madame, I'll give you 200 euros for that beautiful hair you have!
- Then go ahead and buzz it all off as quick as you can!
When he's finished, the barber asked her what had made her opt for such a terrible sacrifice.
- I just saw a beautiful wig in a nearby store, and suddenly found out I'd left my purse at home.
- !?

- John, I see you have a new hairstyle?
- Sure. My wife's a stylist, and she worked on me a little bit last night...
- Do you quarreled before that?


Stylist asks girl:
- Any preferences in haircut?
- Should be like this here, and like that there and then that's it.
- Pardon?
- Let's switch places, I'll show it.

A beautiful girl with long hair asked for a very short haircut.
- Why do you want to shear off such a beautiful tresses?
- I need to test popular wisdom - "the hair is long, the mind is short." I want to wise up.

- What's the matter with those youngsters? They all have crew cuts, they all wear jeans, no way you can tell a boy from a girl. Look at this creature over there!
- But that's my daughter!
-Sorry, I didn't know I was talking to her dad.
-Dad? I'm her mom!

- Your passport is fake. There's a bald man's head at the photo, but you have long hair!
- You are wrong, just a passport is real!

The wife of a new Russian complains to her girlfriend :
- My husband is such a bastard! Yesterday I told him I needed $200 for a visit to the Beauty salon. He looked at me for a while, and then handed me $500.

A family is just about to leave for a party they were all invited to.
The wife says everybody should pick up a dress to match their hair style.
- I think I'll wear my dark-gray striped suit, she adds.
- I'll wear my black jeans and the orange blouse then, said the daughter.
- OK, -said the husband. It's not a good idea to wear nothing in this kind of weather, so I'd better stay in and watch TV!



Mother with little girl on reception at the pediatrician:.
- Doc, why my daughter has bulging eyes and a real wide mouth?
- Have you tried to loosen up her pigtail knots? - he asked.


At a beauty salon a girl with long dark hair asked for a tigh perm, and dye her hair into bright blonde.
- OK, says the stylist, but I would advise you just to smear your head with depilatory cream.
- What do you mean by that! I'll lose all my hair this way. I'll be bald! - resents the girl.
- If we do what you just told me, you'll lose your hair anyways. The creme will just save our time.

A peasant lady calls her village neighbor:
- Hey, Zina, come here soon!
Zina rushes in:
- What happened?
The lady gives her huge scissors and orders:
- Cut my pigtail off. Quick!
Zina understand nothing, but takes the scissors and the next moment she has her neighbor's superlong pigtail in her hands:
- Why you did all that to you?
- My husband is just about to crawl in from sauna, drunk as usual, - she says, as she carefully clips her loose pigtail back, - Of course, he'll try to grab me by my hair, as he usually does, just for the fun of it. But this time I just wanted to remind him it's a "Fool's Day " today, so it'll be my turn to have some fun this time.

Young lady with a hair up to her waist, walking along the beach, suddenly sees a small tent with a barber shop's sign on it. She walks in, and asks for a long bob. The old barber wraps a cape around her, takes his scissors, and starts dancing around her, cutting her hair shorter and shorter. After he gets as high as the middle of the ear on one side, he suddenly throws his scissors on the table, grabs an electric clippers and starts to shear off all her hair up to "0".
- What are you doing!? She yells at him.
- I don't think I can make it the way you asked, so this way you'll at least have a nice sun tan all over your head.

A hippie girl grown up and figures she's ready for a first haircut in her life.
- What is it that you'd like to have? Asks the stylist.
- And what are the options? She asks in return.
- All sorts of - bob, pixie, crew cut..
- Let's have a crew cut!
In a few minutes she sees her buzzed head in the mirror, and says:
- Not exactly what I wanted. Let's try again, and have a bob instead...

- Honey, why don't you dye your hair a lot lighter?
- But why?
- I heard that blondes are cooking very tasty!

A girl swirls around before mirror and says to herself wistfully:
- I think it's time to get married. So bored with all those fancy dresses and make-up ideas!

- Guess why men are always trickery with their promises?
- Sure, we have more tricks with our cosmetics!


One farmer's wife was very jealous.
Every evening, when he'd come home, she carefully examined his clothes, and finding any hair, rolled him a terrible scandal.
One day, not finding any hair, she screamed louder than ever:
- Oh, you bastard! Smooching with a bald woman!?

A girl with untidy, long hair enters a Beauty salon:
- Style my hair the same way you did it last time!
- Sorry, madam, it's only three years since I took this job here!